let's see how this soul flares
by AttackOnTetris
Summary: "She's the only one you trust with your darkest secrets, as she does with you. In the back of your mind you think she'd always meant to come back to you, intended or not." Companion to 'you're the only light I ever saw'. Satsuki-cenric. Post-Finale. One-shot. Mentions of incest.


Winter. It's your favorite time of year, mostly because of the traditional celebrations for the New Year and the chill in the air. Looking over you see your precious little sister, trying to catch a snowflake on her tongue.

"Come on, Satsuki, try it!"

Smiles have come easier since she's walked back into your life. The sister you thought was gone forever, thrown away by your monster of a mother. You prefer not to look back on those days.

Sticking your tongue out, you catch a flake with little effort, smirking when your sister stomps like a child in frustration yelling about how it's not supposed to be that easy the first time.

"Ryuko, I've caught plenty of snowflakes before. Don't be so upset about it."

She's doing that thing with her lip that's somewhere between a pout and a frown, almost like she can't decide. It's adorable.

It's been a year since the end, since you both defeated your mother and prevented the life fibers from encasing the planet. Life has been strange since then, the adjustment hard. Ryuko has made it easier for you, though. She brightens your day from just existing and you think that you're too quick to be so ready to love someone just yet.

Your heart has always been protected, deep in the depths behind the locks and chains that fill your mind. You promised yourself that no one would ever get to it; it was the only thing that made you human, the only thing that kept you from going insane when you were young.

Ryuko grumbles something about impossible feats and sits on the park bench next to you. Out of habit, you put an arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer and resting your lips on her temple. She's changed back to that shampoo that smells like strawberries. It's intoxicating.

Closing your eyes, you think you'd be okay if she was the one to have your heart. You'd gladly give it to her, in fact, you're almost positive that she already has it. All of a sudden you want to do more than just rest your lips on her head.

Shaking the thought, you pull away; she's too much right now. It won't take long for your resolve to shatter; it never does when it comes to her. Looking up at the stars that cover the night sky, you say, "You know, I've always thought about this."

Putting a hand on your knee, Ryuko asks what you mean, resting her head on your shoulder.

"What life would be like with my little sister."

Looking back down, you see Ryuko has found sudden interest in the bush behind the bench. Her brows furrow, like she's having an internal conflict about what you've just revealed. Her eyes come back to yours and she says, "Well, you don't have to fantasize anymore, I'm right here, and I'm not planning on leaving any time soon."

You love it when she says things like this. The feeling grips your very soul, the promise of a future with her, a life with the one person on the planet that can break down your walls with the smallest effort.

You've let her glance behind the chains in your mind, the fears that have plagued you for your entire life. She's the only one you trust with your darkest secrets, as she does with you. In the back of your mind you think she'd always meant to come back to you, intended or not.

Getting up, you grab her hand and it takes the steel you've hardened into not to link your fingers with hers. "Come on, it's getting cold."

* * *

Taking your coat off, you go over to Ryuko to help her get her scarf untangled from her jacket. It's hard not to see her as an adorable little sister, especially when she deliberately doesn't ask for your help and gets angry when you do anyway.

"I got it, Satsuki, with your help it's gonna fucking rip."

It's the scarf you gave her a few days after the final battle. You had picked it out a few years before, telling yourself you'd wear it someday. You like it better on her; the red matches her personality.

Taking note of how she treats it like it's made of solid gold, you feel your lips turn up and the edges your eyes crinkle with content. You make it a point to remember to take her to her favorite breakfast joint the next morning.

Taking off the rest of her outdoor clothes, Ryuko yawns and stretches, looking back at you. "Oi, are you coming to bed or are you gonna stay up and finish that one book you've been reading?" Scratching at her stomach like a nervous tick, Ryuko rambles on, "You can just keep the lamp on by the bed, it doesn't bother me like you think it does. I just want you to get proper rest, you know?"

You're not sure when the butterflies started to wander in your stomach when she invites you to bed, but you digest them like you have the last few months and say, "I'll just finish it tomorrow. It's Sunday anyway."

She doesn't have a second thought to changing in front of you. It almost makes you jealous. Why can't you be so carefree with your body around her like she is around you? Deep down you know the hideous reason, but you keep it down, not wanting to think about such things before bed.

Ryuko slips under the covers with ease, keeping them open for you to crawl and lay beside her, like it's where you've always belonged. Wrapping your arms around her, you feel her do the same. Thinking back, you couldn't handle this a year ago. You could barely handle anyone touching you, let alone sleeping in the same bed with someone.

Ryuko will never know how much you appreciate her, your precious little sister. You can't fathom being alone again. You haven't slept in a bed by yourself since she moved in, and you can't find one setback with that fact.

For someone so brash, Ryuko is so tender with you. With your chin on top of her head, she snuggles into your chest a little more, sighing contently, breathes evening out.

She's your sister. She can never know what you truly feel for her. Sometimes, you give yourself hope. Disgusting, far-fetched hope that she just might see you as more than her sister, someone she could give her whole heart to, someone so willing to share her own heart.

Consciousness slipping, you try to think about something else before you fall asleep so your dreams aren't filled to the brim with thoughts about her.

You can't help but wake up disappointed.

* * *

Watching a line of turtles cross the highway and listening to your favorite talk show on the side of the road, you notice Ryuko acting a bit strung out. The topic of the day is incest of all things and you're almost desperate to hear what Ryuko thinks about it.

Keeping the radio on, Ryuko asks to turn it off almost three times, the third time stopped by your hand grabbing her own and resting on the cup holder below. You listen to the rest of the program, trying to come up with a way to ease Ryuko into talking about it.

You feel a bit manipulative, your old personality rearing its ugly head, but your mind has been plagued by so many 'what-ifs' lately and you're tired and just want to know her honest opinion.

"That was interesting." Ryuko stiffens beside you, and you hold your breath.

"How so?"

"I don't agree with anything they said." Love is love, so you've told yourself many nights holding her close to you. You find a frown has formed on your lips, thinking about what the talk show host had said about it. They know nothing.

"What don't you agree with?"

You're frustrated, and it just tumbles from your mouth, unfiltered. "They said that if you're related to someone you shouldn't have romantic feelings for them. That's ridiculous. What about our situation?"

Ryuko blinks in confusion, brows furrowing. You turn to face her, to face what you've been feeling for almost a year. "I didn't even know you were my sister until a year and a half ago. I've heard of people getting married and not knowing they were already related until years later. Does that mean what they have is invalid?"

Your opinion is so biased you want to slap yourself hearing it from your own lips. Ryuko's eyes widen, with a hint of nervousness. You sigh, and rub your thumb across her knuckles, closing your eyes.

You can't hide anymore. Satsuki Kiryuin hides from nothing. The worst that could happen is that she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, and even when it happens you tell yourself at the very least she deserves to know. Steeling yourself, you spill a bit of your darkest secret to your sister, the love of your life.

"I've thought about you like that before. Sexually. I'm sorry. I'm sure you've never thought of me that way, but I thought I'd let you know, since it's been brought up. I would never take advantage of you, either. So don't worry."

You almost regret it, but not before the most beautiful words you've heard come from Ryuko's mouth. "I've thought of you that way, too… Sometimes I have dreams where it's just you and me, far away from here, with no worries or problems, and we just lie on the beach or something and make out for hours. I really like those dreams. Sometimes we do more than make out. I'm sorry. I'm disgusting, I know."

It reminds you of the times you both have woken up from nightmares in each other's arms, one of you telling the other it'll be okay. It's scary how your minds work on the same wavelength so naturally, and you think you love her more than you did five minutes ago.

Heart beating out of your chest, you ask her, "Are these thoughts recent?"

You stare at her, amazed. You can't believe she's had the same thoughts about you that you've had about her. You love her. Your heart stops when she says that no, she's had them for a while now.

Hand moving of it's own accord, you cup her face and take the plunge into the depths of your greatest fear, "So if I told you I wanted to kiss you right now, you'd have no objections?"

Her eyes widen, and you're sure you're looking at her like she's the only person in the universe but you can't help it when her own hands grab your face, pulling, making your noses almost an inch apart. You don't trust your words anymore, and you know enough about body language to realize what your sister trying to tell you.

Face on fire, you press your lips to hers and your mind blanks. She tastes like coffee and those butterscotch candies she always has in her pockets, and you have never felt so high. Kissing her is amazing and everything you thought it would be. Her lips are soft but firm on your own, no mistaking her feelings.

You want to be closer to her, to feel her close like you do in your dreams. Unbuckling your seatbelt, you crawl over to the passenger seat, straddling her. With this angle you decide that now is the best time to taste her tongue and hearing her groan almost unravels you.

It takes everything not to grind your hips into hers. You focus on her mouth, slowing the pace, drinking in every noise she makes from the back of her throat, committing it to memory. You think your blood is singing for her.

She slides her hands underneath your shirt, across your stomach and you tense up, unwillingly remembering old horrors. You open your eyes and you see her eyelids closed, eyebrows tilted in a way that makes her look like she loves you. Slipping your eyes shut you rub the shell of her ears gently with your thumbs. Her hands stay where they are and you wish you could tell her how much that means to you.

You think you could kiss her forever, but hearing a tap on the window next to you, you find yourself opening your eyes, seeing her do the same. Unwilling to let go of your sisters addicting mouth, you move your eyes without turning your head to see the interruption.

The navy blue is not something you're expecting and Ryuko's tongue is suddenly too large to be in your mouth. Ryuko grins stupidly once she sees what's beyond the window, rolling it down and addressing the outsider.

"Afternoon, Officer. How may I help you?"

* * *

Coming home after a long day, you find Ryuko sprawled on the couch with the TV left on some kind of history channel. Feeling a smile creep on your face and finding the blanket you keep in the closet, you walk up to her and cover her form with it, not wanting to wake her.

You tuck her in a bit, knowing how she moves around while she sleeps, and brush some of the loose hair out of her eyes. Scratching at her scalp you kiss her forehead, lingering, "Goodnight, little sister." Thumb stroking her cheek, you tell her you love her and walk to your bed across the hall.

Slipping under the covers, you find yourself drifting when you feel weight on the mattress. Looking over you find Ryuko, eyes cloudy with sleep, crawling over to you. Chuckling, you open your arms, inviting her to you. She cups your face and gives you a quiet kiss whispering her love for you on your lips.

Wrapping your arms around her, you feel her do the same. You breathe in the scent of her shampoo, noting she's still using the kind with strawberries. Smiling, you fall asleep with her in your arms.

You wake up with her mouth on your stomach and a hunger in her eyes that's only reserved for you.

You can't find it in yourself to regret what you told her in the car almost six months ago. In fact, you think you should've said it sooner.

"_I love you. In every way under the sun."_


End file.
